Grief Triggers in Everyday Conversations

Grief has a way of sneaking into the most ordinary moments. Today I was chatting with an old friend I haven’t seen in seven years. We were making travel arrangements and catching up on all the usual things—spouses, food, theater, college plans, school sports, and of course, our kids.

What started as lighthearted banter about whose child had grown taller quickly shifted for me. My mind instantly conjured up the image of our family’s height tracker. I remembered the marks on that board and the girls playfully competing to see who was the tallest. (Spoiler alert: it was not Amelia.)

When I designed the tracker years ago, I had asked that it be simple and portable, something we could take with us through moves and stages of life. It carries with it all the history of our family’s growth. One day, I hoped, it would also carry the names and marks of grandchildren, continuing the story in new generations.

But grief has a way of reminding me of what will never be. It is painful—truly impossible—to accept that Amelia’s future was stolen from us. We will never get to see her grow into adulthood, never meet her children, never add her family’s names to that tracker. All of those dreams were erased in an instant, taken by the reckless decisions of drunk drivers.

Triggers like this appear without warning, often hidden in everyday conversations or simple memories. They remind me not only of the depth of my loss but also of how love and longing are carried into every corner of life.